Enneagram 3 and Feelings: Putting the Motion in E-motion (Enneagram 3, Emotions & Faith: Life in the Heart Triad | Aleona Lund)

I initially wasn’t going to blog about any of this.

This post was actually supposed to be about something far more spiritually pressing:

the time I went to get gas and nearly magnified myself directly into the presence of the Lord.

But since I did not, in fact, meet the Lord that day and instead spent the week encountering beautifully emotional people who apparently mistook me for someone with a valid emotional license I do not recall applying for, studying for, or passing any test to obtain, I figured I’d document my trip through the Em-ocean with an imaginary boating license that someone apparently approved instead.

Which feels irresponsible.

Definitely illegal.

And, considering I’m an Enneagram 3, probably still somehow ahead of schedule.

So the gas-station testimony can wait.

Even though, frankly, I would’ve preferred the gas station story.

But here we are.

Using my extended earthly reservation to write about something equally dangerous instead:

Feelings.

Now, I believe God knits each of us together intentionally.

Which means somewhere before I arrived on Earth, I like to imagine the personality-development meeting with God going something like this:

Angel: “Everything looks good. Just a few more things.”

God: “Go ahead.”

Angel: “Humor?”

God: “Excellent.”

Angel: “Including puns?”

God: “An unnecessarily a-pun-dant amount.”

The angel scrolls farther down.

“Great. What about accessing deep, vulnerable emotion with others and herself in real time?”

Silence.

“Lord?”

More silence.

Angel: “…Did we install vulnerability, intimacy, affection, or the ability to be visibly moved by someone’s deeply personal testimony?”

God: “Oh yes.”

Angel: “Wonderful. Where?”

God: “Very deep down.”

Angel: “How deep?”

God: “Password protected.”

Angel: “Does she have the password?”

God: “No.”

Angel: “Recovery email?”

God: “Also no.”

Angel: “Backup code?”

God: “She saved it somewhere safe.”

Angel: “Oh, good.”

A beat

God: “So safe she’ll never find it again.”

The angel stares at Him.

“So we gave her an industrial-grade pun generator but put her deepest emotions behind two-factor authentication with no authorized device???”

Another angel leans over.

“Should we maybe fix that?”

God closes the file.

“No. She’ll write about it someday.”

And thus I entered the world.

Obviously, I’m kidding.

But somewhere in the middle of all this emotional depth, I realized something:

Some people receive a heart and immediately explore every chamber.

I receive a heart and go

……..

“Oh wow…..”

“Uhhhh….Thank you.”

…

Do you still perhaps carry the box and the instruction manual that comes with this?”

And eventually become FedEx.

“Thank you for trusting me with this extremely fragile package. I promise I will make sure it gets somewhere meaningful.”

And before the emotional authorities arrive at my house: I genuinely admire people who can sit inside an emotion, notice its lighting, study its architecture, write poetry about wallpaper, and somehow come back out knowing themselves better.

That is TRULY Beautiful.

Incredible.

Those people have an incredible, rare gift to not only understand what they feel, but feel what they understand

Some people feel an emotion deeply.

Some sit beside it.

Some move through it.

Meanwhile:

I only understand what I feel.”

Great.

Excellent meeting, everyone.

Let’s keep moving.

THE ENNEAGRAM 3: THREE-MENDOUSLY UNAVAILABLE FOR EMOTIONAL PROCESSING

For those who have somehow escaped the term Enneagram your entire life and are currently wondering what in the Ennea-world an Enneagram is…congratulations.

Your streak ends today.

Basically, the Enneagram is a personality framework with nine types. It’s less interested in saying, Here’s what you do, and more interested in asking, Why do you keep doing that? What are you chasing? What are you avoiding?

Those nine types fall into three Centers:

Head / Thinking → 5, 6, 7

Gut / Instinctive → 8, 9, 1

Heart / Feeling → 2, 3, 4

You may notice at the center of every triad are the numbers 9, 6, & 3.

These serve as anchor points/centers for each triad.

You notice where Three sits in the Heart/Feeling Triad?

That’s right.

DEAD. CENTER.

Not on the emotional outskirts like 2 & 4

Not in a neighboring zip code.

Not visiting Feelings for Christmas and promising we should really do this more often.

IN. THE. DEAD. CENTER.

I am not merely near the heart of the matter.

According to this diagram, I AM THE HEART OF THE MATTER.

Which feels seems like a fairly serious matter considering 95% of the time I cannot locate the heart.

I don’t know about every Enneagram Three walking God’s good green globe.

But visibly wearing my heart on my sleeve? Is not me.

YES, ENNEAGRAM 3’S ARE “PERFORMERS.” EVERYBODY REMAIN CALM + STAY SEATED.

Performers.

Oh good.

That sounds healthy.

Because nothing reassures people of your authenticity quite like introducing yourself with:

“Hi. Apparently my defining personality characteristic is performance.”

Immediately trustworthy.

No notes.

I understand why people get suspicious of that word.

When people hear performer, they tend to hear:

Becoming whatever the room rewards.

And unhealthy Threes absolutely can fall into that.

I definitely still do sometimes

If worth gets tangled up with achievement and image, performance can become camouflage.

That is a real danger.

I think this is where 3’s stop trying to explain and start trying to reclaim when given bad performance reviews.

Because perform doesn't only mean pretend.

A musician performs a song.

A doctor performs a procedure. (I hope that is not pretend)

A person performs an act of service.

Something can be performed precisely because something real is being carried into action.

An unhealthy Three performs an identity in order to receive love.

A healthy Three can learn to perform love because identity has already been received.

One performs for worth.

The other performs from worth.

Dependingon intention, performance can simply be the expression of authenticity.

UNFORTUNATELY, I WILL CONTINUE TO BE AN ENNEAGRAM THREE

All that said and after finally reviewing the allegations, consulting the evidence, and discovering there is apparently no return policy, I regret to announce that I will, in fact, continue to be the annoying consistent Enneagram Three.

That being said, if you’re searching for a consistent, authentic Enneagram Three—

Congratulations.

Your search is over.

You found one.

While I will annoyingly continue performing efficiently so neither of us has to make prolonged eye contact with feelings, I at least have the decency to admit that any feelings expected to move me, touch me, make me vulnerable, or create emotional intimacy have been received, reviewed, and promptly forwarded to a department that is either severely understaffed, nonexistent, or a department I simply do not have clearance to access.

No false advertising here.

….Mostly.

Because if I suddenly stopped mid-project, stared out a rain-covered window and whispered,

“I need to sit with what this awakened in me,”

then disappeared into my emotional interior for three business days—

people would be concerned.

“Who are you?”

“What did you do with our 3?”

“She’s been sitting still for forty-five minutes.”

“CHECK HER PULSE.”

Listen.

We cannot all be gifted.

And that’s okay.

You bring something truly special gift from god to the table.

I basically bring a folding chair and a checklist.

Not exactly a gift from heaven—much less a gift—but I got here on time at least.

God distributes gifts according to His purposes.

Do not question Him.

And technically speaking, I'd say this still makes me well-seated for the chair-itable occasion.

Yes, a pun. I have to place something to sit beside all the emotional talk. :D

Besides, if God gave a gift at all, it was puns, probably the only notable gift I have that comes to mind. And if the one gift I have is puns, surely you wouldn’t ask me to bury my one and only talent in the ground.

That would be Biblically irresponsible.

WELCOME TO THE EM-OCEAN

I think two people can witness the exact same thing, care about it just as deeply, and travel through it completely differently.

Some people see the Em-ocean and think:

Look at the water.

Look how the light hits it.

I wonder how deep it goes.

And then there’s me, already merging onto E-motion Interstate 3:

Yep.

Ocean.

Beautiful.

Love that.

Anyway, GPS says if we maintain current speed, we can be emotionally processed by 4:30.

Some people take the scenic route through the Em-ocean.

I take the interstate through E-motion.

There was emotion.

There was also motion.

We kept moving.

And don’t get me wrong, It’s not like I’m never in the Em-ocean with you.

I definitely will be on occasion. But instead of floating, you're more likely to see me zooming past on a jet ski at 47 mph yelling:

“ABSOLUTELY. BEAUTIFUL WATER. VERY DEEP. LOVE THAT FOR US.”

VRRRRROOOOOOM.

I mean, technically, I am in the ocean.

Same ocean.

Different speed limit.

And here’s where I have to give anyone who knows how to slow down, feel deeply, and actually be present for the journey credit.

They see things along the scenic route I completely missed.

The color of the sky.

The shape of the waves.

And, they give it language.

And I genuinely think that’s beautiful.

Meanwhile, I may have missed half the scenery because I was checking the ETA.

Which is particularly ironic because I'm a designer.

Professional attention to detail?

Excellent.

Personal attention to detail?

Out of office.

I DO STOP AT SCENIC OVERLOOKS

I am all for scenery. I will actually stop, admire the scenery, sit with the emotion for a minute and think:

“Yes. Beautiful scenery. Very moving.”

Next I will do something productive like scrapbook my findings into a beautiful project.

Emotional scrapbooking at its finest.

That being said, I don’t always drive past emotion.

Sometimes I drive through it.

Acknowledge the emotion exists, understand what it is, and may even know exactly why it’s there.

Now, consider this:

I’m sitting here writing about my thoughts or feelings.

Voluntarily.

Nobody even made me.

Does that count?

That’s progress, right?

No?

Partial credit?

Still no?

Okay, fair.

Moving on.

MY FEELINGS ARE TSA APPROVED

While I may not experience or express emotion with enormous visible intensity, that doesn’t make the emotion counterfeit.

My emotions are absolutely in stock.

They’re just…

Travel-sized. TSA—Travel-Sized Approved. Honestly, the acronym was sitting right there but TSA just let it fly away.

Anyway, mine are easy to store in the overhead compartment & ready for take off so they don’t interfere with forward movement.

But they’re real.

And I think that’s where people can sometimes misunderstand 3s—or really anyone whose emotional expression is less outward, lingering, or expansive.

For an enneagram 3, Performance does not always automatically mean pretending. Achievement does not always automatically mean avoidance.

Composure does not always automatically mean absence.

Emotional honesty will not look identical in every person.

Sometimes my emotions aren’t driving the car.

I’m not exactly driving them, either.

We’re responsible co-owners of the vehicle.

They provide useful navigational information.

I acknowledge their contribution.

Nobody touches the steering wheel without a meeting.

Balance.

SOMETIMES PERFORMANCE IS HOW THE FEELING GETS SOMEWHERE

When I write, create, perform, serve, build, design, sing, or make something beautiful, I can use technical skill and express something genuine at the exact same time.

The skill doesn’t cancel the sincerity.

The performance doesn’t erase the person performing it.

Allow your technical skill to articulate your emotions, while allowing your emotions to articulate your technical skill.

Sometimes performance is precisely how the feeling gets somewhere.

Some people let emotion become the scenery.

I let emotion become the vehicle.

One says:

“Stay. Look at this.”

The other says:

“Come on. Let’s take this somewhere.”

Neither necessarily cares more or less.

We simply care in different directions.

Different roads.

Different speeds.

Same destination.

SAME GIFTS. DIFFERENT PERFORMANCES. SAME GOD.

Maybe that’s part of the beauty of how God made us different.

Some of us notice the scenery.

Some of us keep the car moving.

Some of us remind everyone to stop and look at what God put along the road.

Some of us see the scenery and immediately wonder how God wants us to put it to work.

Because if we were all stopping at every scenic overlook, we might never get anywhere.

And if we were all driving like me, we’d probably arrive twelve minutes early with absolutely no idea what we just drove past.

Some people remind us that eventually we have to keep traveling.

Some of us swim through the Em-ocean.

Some of us put the motion in E-motion.

So to everyone with the gift of slowing down long enough to notice what the rest of us miss:

Keep showing us the scenery.

Seriously.

And we’ll keep the car moving.

You bring the depth.

We’ll bring the drive.

You bring the Em-ocean.

We’ll bring the E-motion.

And together, against all reasonable expectations, we might actually get somewhere.

Preferably somewhere with a scenic overlook.

I’ll even stop.

For five minutes.

Six if there’s parking. ;p

That’s growth.

E-MOTION creates movement.

Em-PATH-y gives that movement a path toward another person.

Com-PASSION/COMPASS-ion, Again, not etymology. But spiritually, I think the picture works beautifully--gives a passion for another person's good that becomes a compass toward loving action.

Now, while I would love to stay and explore the scenic backroads of empathy and compassion, my emotional GPS is beginning to recalculate plus I’m already driving on an emotional license of questionable validity. So instead it's time to put my gift of being annoyingly pun-stoppable to use and hit the ground punning with it.

Again, biblically irresponsible not to. 

Consider this our emotional scenic overlook.

Three-gretfully yours,

an Enneagram 3 who has spent entirely too long parked at this emotional scenic overlook and has reached her emotional five-minute parking limit.